McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
