Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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