I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
