Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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