Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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