Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is wine microwaveable?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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