Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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