ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
