Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
