I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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