I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
