Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
