She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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