I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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