Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
