My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize