seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He did a backflip because drugs
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