We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How does one acquire holy water?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
