watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
