my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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