i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
