My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
