420 ftw
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
