I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
