If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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