just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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