I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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