I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
