Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
