Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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