I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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