I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
