at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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