it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize