you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
