We're like a lot better than the average bears
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
