She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
