Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
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