i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
