Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
