Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
