so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
