youre lurking in front of me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
