toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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