But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
