I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
