dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
