Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
