Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
