How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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