somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
