To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Mom said you looked used
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
