Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Be still, my beating vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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