wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
