I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
did you just send me my own nude
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
