take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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