dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
