Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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