Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
