we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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