you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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