His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
