woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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