My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish you could order shots online.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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