apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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