he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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